Alright, for the one millionth time people....You can look me in the eye and smile when you get caught staring at me in the store. I will not lunge at you and try to eat your forearm like it's a turkey drumstick. I don't care for meat off a bone. Smiling will not make me think you are inviting me to show you my stretch marks. Talking to me when I initiate a conversation while you scan my groceries does not mean I am going to come to your house and force feed you Doritos and Swiss Cake Rolls. It's okay to stare at the fat woman as she sweats in January while pushing two carts because the kids each require their personal space but still manage to fight with each other at opposite ends of my arm spans. If I catch you, act like I am a human and not a pee sprinkle on a toilet seat. Fat isn't catching.

But on the other hand, maybe it is. Mower and I have both gained a considerable amount since we've been together. I think that has to do with a demotivating factor and not that gaining weight is like a common cold--you'll get it from a doorknob I just touched after eating pizza. Mower and I are very good about forgiving each other and allowing excuses. I guess we think if we forgive the other one, it's okay for us not to do anything either. It's hard to keep to a diet when your closest friend and lover is eating dumplings at 4 am while you watch the movie Four Brothers. I am such a bad influence. But you can still look me in the eye and smile.