I got news today that a baby Handsome's age, who has been fighting for his life since day one, is facing the end of his life and they are making him comfortable. I cannot put into words how much his mother and father amaze, astonish, and awe me. Every day, they have not wavered in their devotion to this little boy who had the deck of cards stacked against him at almost every turn. They have been rocks, mountains, whole continents of strength and love for their baby and each other. I am humbled to know them, although I have never met them in person. We belong to an online support board, and despite the distance between her computer and mine, I feel that I have gotten to know one of the best women on earth. I used to think I was a good mom, until I compare myself to Val. I cannot say enough good things about her, nor can I express how heartbroken I am to learn that the medical treatments for her son have come to an end, seemingly, unless there is a huge turn of events. Riley will always remain in my thoughts---the strength this baby has put into his life is overwhelming, and yet the odds are not with him right now.

I am caught right now being really selfish and wondering why? Why not some crack whore that does nothing but spread syphillis and herpes? Why not some meth head who poisons kids with the drug? Why is it that there are mothers out there who gladly give up their kids to go pursue new ass, who leave their kids alone or with drunk babysitters, who leave their children alone to go gambling in the middle of the night, who use drugs while pregnant, why are these not the ones who have to be on a ventilator and fight for their life? Why is it an innocent child who has done nothing wrong? Why are the ones who mess up their lives and don't think about anyone but themselves while they systematically destroy the innocence of their own children, why aren't they the ones who have to have their lungs collapse? Why is it that people like drug addicts can get pregnant and have babies they don't want who they dump in a trash can live in the same world as mothers like Val who wanted her baby and cared for herself while pregnant and have done everything they can do to save their child? How is it? I don't understand it. I don't like it. I don't know how it happens. I hate that I am having to write this. I hate that she is sitting by her son's side and having to prepare herself for the worst. I hate that there are no answers, nothing to alleviate the hole that will be left by his passing, which I am hoping and praying a miracle prevents. I know I'm not helping anything by writing what I just did, but I just don't get it and never will, why babies suffer while others who deserve to suffer, don't.