Mower and I went to the area branch of Chase Bank to make a deposit of coins from the kid's piggy bank, and to cash a check. We got there at about 9 and didn't leave until 11:30ish. I am still trying to figure this all out, while I take my business elsewhere, because my mind is boggling with the turn of events.

I don't think I am alone at getting annoyed at the robot servicing the drive-thru or the line of six people inside with only one teller open but four tellers behind the counter. Nor am I a very rash person to just make a huge decision to disrupt my life by switching banks. We've had three business accounts with Chase, one personal checking, a personal savings, and a kid's saving account there as well. We have a safe deposit box and credit cards from Chase. We're a little invested in Chase, despite small things like a line or petty annoyances.

We were told that there was a hold on the check we were cashing, and that they would have to call and get it approved. Mower and I went through this two months ago with them, and we were told by the assistant branch manager that if it's drawn on a Chase account, which ours was, and was being deposited into a Chase account, which it had been, it would take 24 hours to clear. We wanted to cash this check over a week after we deposited the money into our account.

A employee was brought over because we were irritated when we found out they needed to call on the check. She tells us it's because it's probably an out-of-state check and turns away to run off with it somewhere, and I have to interrupt Her Highness (Mistake #1) to inform her that she is jumping to conclusions and if she would listen for a moment, I could tell her that it was not. She tells us to sit down and goes into the back with the check and my driver's license. A couple minutes later, she breezes by (Mistake #2) and says someone will be with us in a moment.

We have Handsome with us, and I don't want to be in the bank all morning (little did I know that's exactly what would happen), so I got up and followed her. I asked her who had the check and what was going on, and she told me her head teller had it and was calling on it, then told me I'd have to wait, she had an appointment waiting. By the tone of her voice and her mannerisms, the fat lady in the jeans with no make-up was not her highest priority (Mistake #3). I sit back down, and wait. And wait. And wait. I get up and ask the customer service liason, Friendly Lady, to get the branch manager. Lo and behold, Her Highness was the branch manager. Wonderful.

I ask Friendly Lady to send her branch manager out because I'd like to speak to her. Her Highness tells Friendly Lady to give her 10 minutes. I tell Mower to start the clock. It's been 30 minutes already since we got there. I tell Friendly Lady that if Her Highness doesn't come out and talk to us, we'll pull all our business out because of poor customer service. I repeat this to Friendly Lady after 14 minutes more of waiting (Mistake #4), and she tells Her Highness, who is still with a client. Friendly Lady comes back and says, "She said to let you close out your accounts." (Mistake #5.)

Mower and I are struggling with keeping Handsome happy in a toy-free zone, and I am not pleased in the least that we still do not have an answer or the check. I am stunned for a moment, and say slowly, "Really? That's fine, just fine." I'm interrupted by the phone ringing. It's Her Highness telling Friendly Lady to tell me to not forget to close out the safe deposit box as well (Mistake #6). Think I'm bluffing and you're going to call me on it? Fuck you very much.

I ask Friendly Lady for the number to Her Highness' boss, and the number is readily given to me with a whispered, "I support you in this. I often have to put out her fires." I nod, not surprised. I tell her I will see one of the other bankers to close out my accounts, and sit down with Mower. Just as we see Her Highness finish with her client, we get waved over by Friendly Lady who tells us the teller has our money. Huh? I go with the teller to count it out, and he apologizes for the wait and understands why we would leave the bank because of Her Highness' poor customer service. I come back out, get Friendly Lady to open the safe deposit box with me, and tell her again that I want to speak to Her Highness.

Lo and behold, while I was in the room counting the money with the teller and Mower is walking around the lobby with Handsome, Her Highness is behind Friendly Lady's desk, and Friendly Lady speaks with her while I sit back down, holding her boss' number. They both disappear for a moment, and Friendly Lady comes back with the Executive Office's number. Her Highness has somehow snatched another client to hide in her office with (Mistake #7). I ask Mower to take Handsome to a fast food place to keep him happy for a few minutes so I can call these numbers.

I call and leave a pleasantly toned message with Her Highness' boss. I do mention that I am getting brushed aside for over an hour at this point and am pulling all our accounts, and leave my name and number. I am proud of myself for keeping my composure. Any other day, I would have been raving mad, but I decided to be measured and calm, and see what was going to happen if I left the ball in Her Highness' court. Well, it gets even better.

I call the Executive Office, and explain what has happened. My check was taken into the back, I have no explanation why I am being made to wait, the branch manager has been putting us off and told her employee to tell me to close out the accounts and don't forget the safe deposit box. Oh, and she took another client while I have been waiting to see her, in addition to waiting for an hour for someone to tell me why the check needed approval. They are up to speed and they call her. I can see her in her office, see Friendly Lady answer the phone and hustle to Her Highness' office, and see Her Highness on the phone while I am on hold.

The Executive Office comes back on the line, and tells me what she said, and I refute the parts that she lied about. I never left the area, except to go with her employee, which if she was in Friendly Lady's area, she should have asked Friendly Lady where I was if she didn't know, plus my husband never left the bank--he was ten feet away from the chairs. I tell the Executive Office that I am pulling my business and I still want to speak to Her Highness. They get her back on the line and tell her. They are hoping this can be resolved with her, and I am kinda hoping as well, because switching business accounts isn't easy.

After another 20 minutes, Her Highness comes to ask me to her office. I am so cool, you would think I sat on ice the whole time. I was very business-like and appropriate for someone who knows exactly what is going to happen. I am going to ask questions, and she is going to answer them. Answer them wrong, and our business walks out her door, and she gets the recognition for that.

She tries to play like I don't know she talked to the Executive Office. She asks what she can help me with. Um, let's start with an apology for wasting my time ignoring me. Her "I'm sorry" is hollow, wooden, insignificant (Mistake #8). She then says she did not ignore me, she was with a client. I point out she wasn't with that client this whole time, and we go through the points. She does not say anything of relevance to any of my points--she argues them with me. I keep my composure, but keep at it because I want her to answer for her actions. I tell her her apology was insincere, and that the only reason she met with me is because the Executive Office told her I was waiting. I could not believe my ears in her office. Everything she said was defensive, twisting what happened or what she said, or just not an answer, just more of an argument.

Mower brought Handsome into the office, politely not interrupting as I spoke with Her Highness, and listened in astonishment. She defended not coming and talking to me because she said she didn't know if I wanted to speak to her, and she said she did everything she could to retain clients. I asked how then it was only because the Executive Office told her I wanted to speak to her did she come out--if she's so pro-active about making sure her clients are taken care of, why did close to two hours go by? Why didn't she ask why we were still there and if we wanted to speak to her? Why did I still not know why my check didn't immediately clear? Sensing an area she knew the answer to without admitting she was wrong, she told us it had something to do with the amount, some federal regulation. I kept asking and asking, and she never admitted that she dropped the ball and should have found out if the head teller had talked to us, never admitted that it was wrong to tell us to clear out our safe deposit box if she wanted to retain us as clients, never admitted that she blew us off and hid in her office for almost two hours, hoping that we would grow weary and leave so she wouldn't have to apologize for her rudeness and poor customer service.

She finally started saying, "I am sorry. I am sorry." Again and again. She looked like I killed her cat when I said it was insincere because of her previous actions, and her argumentative attitude in her office showed us that she was not doing everything she could to make sure we wouldn't leave, and we were going to take our business elsewhere and her boss and the Executive Office would both know that she was the sole reason why. It was only then that she said, "I wish you wouldn't do that." Where was this two hours ago? I told her if she had talked to us earlier instead of ignoring us, maybe we wouldn't. She started shaking, and said, "What do I need to do? I'll get down on my knees and apologize!" Oh, good Lord. I told her I was not asking her to dehumanize herself, we just wanted a sincere apology and her behaviors to show us she wanted our business and that didn't happen. At that point, she stood us, tears in her eyes, and said she couldn't do this anymore, and rushed past us out of her office.

We stuck around and closed out the accounts we could at that moment that didn't have anything pending. Mower and I took our business elsewhere, and later in the afternoon, I spoke with her boss who, over the phone, did exactly what I was looking for Her Highness to do in person:

"What can we do to keep your business? You are a valuable client and I apologize for the problems you encountered today. I will personally make sure they do not happen again."

Unfortunately, we've already started the switch, which is a huge pain in the butt, with all the auto-drafts we have for the accounts and bills that needed a check to go out, but we were at the bank and this happened and the afternoon was taken up with getting new accounts started. Chase Bank has made the offer that if things don't work out with the new bank, they welcome us back and will do whatever they can to make our banking experience a pleasant and problem free one. That was very nice of them, and the people I spoke with other than Her Highness were nice when they realized the seriousness in which I said I wanted to leave. They all took that seriously, and wanted to make things right, but not the branch manager, who was on paper, our personal banker. And there is no way I am going to accept that kind of customer service and keep my money there and help pay her salary.

I am still in awe that Her Highness spent so much time defending, ignoring, hiding, writing her report in her head of how she would answer to her bosses and make herself be in the right, she let six accounts fly right by. I realize from this, that I am not as bad as I think I am about business. This can only help me give better customer service, and realize that in trying to be right and not admit that I messed up by not following up with the client, I am only hurting my own career. I hope Her Highness has learned that as well.