1) Invite more than one for a sleepover.

2) Make sure at least one just came from a birthday party.

3) Take all children to a restaurant, and order fried food and then ice cream.

4) Play "I Spy" with girls before they get restless while "Aunt Peej" and "Uncle Mower" drink to excess, so as to numb the senses for the next few hours, which you will find is 100% a preservation of life necessity.

5) Explain the rules of "I Spy" to Bubba, emphasizing the fact that she has to choose her object first and not after the rest of the players have succumbed to convulsions from trying to find the object she never chose but instead said her favorite color because she thought that was the game.

6) Let Handsome eat some cheesecake, which he is allergic to, so that we can give him Benadryl to help him crash sooner.

7) Allow all four children to run screaming through the house, up and down the stairs, playing a mix of hide and seek, tag, and who can make Mommy/Aunt Peej's head throb like I just ate bad mushrooms.

8) Preheat oven to 350 degrees to bake cookies, while helping older niece hide in the empty cabinet next to the oven.

9) Lay cookie dough onto cookie sheet, nodding at Handsome as he puts everyone's shoes into the recycling can for safekeeping.

10) Set up kitchen table with colored sugar, icing in three colors, sprinkles, and butter knives to decorate sugar cookies.

11) Get a butterfly net from the garage.

12) Hook each child as they race past with said butterfly net, and direct them to kitchen table.

13) While children decorate cookies and each other's hair with red icing, berate Uncle Mower for leaving Aunt Peej in charge while he reads my People magazine in the shitter.

14) After children complete decorating cookies with more sugar than Mrs. Fields uses in a month, let them clean up excess sugar on table with their eyeballs.

15) After table is cleared and children are sufficiently speaking in tongues, allow children to play with Polly Pocket toys at the kitchen table.

16) Retrieve said Polly Pocket toys from the dog's salivary glands, where they have been imbedded upon contact.

17) Put Handsome to bed after he lays his head down in the middle of a dog fashion show.

18) Let girls play until midnight, encouraging them to eat their cookie creations.

19) Let girls color until 12:30 am, when they start to show signs of detoxing.

20) Set up girls in living room with air mattress.

21) Pull said girls from the ceiling fan after they used air mattress as trampoline.

22) Make girls brush teeth and use the restroom. Let all three pile in to one half-bath at one time, raising the decible level per square foot to jet engine levels.

23) Let children stay up watching cartoons until they stop, drop, and roll into sugar comas.

24) Make a note to self that the next time I send my child to my sister-in-law's house, give her No-Doze prior to entering the house in retribution for telling my niece that she can stay up as late as she wants at Aunt Peej's house and that if she's hungry after eating dinner, she can have as much candy as she wants.