We sat down for a healthy and tasty dinner last night, which I am proud to say I cooked. I even ate my veggies first. I had just finished when Bubba farted in her seat.

"I farted," she announced.

"I heard."

"Smell it!" she demanded.

I pulled away from where she was turning in her chair to aim her rear end at me, like a skunk getting ready to spray. Giggling, she kept on going as I struggled to get out of the corner I was trapped in by Handsome's highchair and the table.

"Smell it! Smell this butt! Smell this butt! Smell this butt!!!"

God help me, I was being tortured by scent. And even while I coughed on the fumes emitted from a five-year-old's digestive system, I had to laugh that my little Bubba found a way to make sure all the attention was on her. She's such a ham. A pretty, sweet, intelligent, inventive, stinky-bottomed ham.