I went to see "Superman Returns", and holy hottie in a cape! If I had been drinking, I would have yelled out at the screen several times, "There's no kryponite in my cootchie--you can save me all night long, Superman!! And the next night, and the next night!" I have never seen a man in tights that made two and a half hours go by in the blink of an eye, wanting more. No offense to Christopher Reeve, but Brandon Routh makes the previous Superman movies look like a gay pride parade on fairy wings. There's going to be thousands of teenage girls working their junk to his image tonight. And a few men who have the same costume in their closets, supposedly for their wives' enjoyment and Halloween, which is code for "The only night I can be free to look as gay as I feel when I watch 'Superman.' And 'Golden Girls.'"