I am now currently just grossly overweight at 100 pounds over my goal. I am 235 right now, and still in a size 20-something. The jeans are getting looser, and the granny panties getting more tent-like and less like a boa constrictor eating a hippo. My secret? Lots of Diet Dr. Pepper, lots of sleep--can't eat while you're sleeping, unless you are on Ambien, and of course, my new crystal meth addiction. Yeah, I'll lose my teeth, but it makes it easier to earn my keep on the streetcorner without teeth anyway.

I am just kidding about the secret. I have been drinking Diet Coke also. Don't tell the Dr. Pepper people--their profits and stock margins are going to decline and I don't want to be accused of insider trading.