Bubba got a Barbie from Santa, aka an overtired, overindulgent mother.

This Barbie is unlike any other Barbie I have ever seen, and I want what she has surgically implanted. Boobs? No. A permanent smile even though Ken was so obviously a bottom and a catcher? No. Wings attached to my back like a Jim Rose circus performer hanging from hooks? No.

I want this:

No, not the painted-on underwear, although I have seen that skirts with a nicely shaped ass imprinted into the fabric is all the rage in countries with many women of the flat-assed variety. I want the batteries implanted in her thighs.

Do you know how much I could get done in a day with an Everlast in my nether regions? The battery acid seeping out from an exploded battery could be a slighty disfiguring problem, but I could upgrade and get the painted-on undies. I think it would be a huge hit in the US--women of all ages and sizes given new life, able to go longer, do more, be productive, catch up on everything, and have the batteries handy for when you run low in your vibrator. Women that have competed for attention with the draw of power tools and building things that keep men in the garage for hours will have new negotiating tactics for getting her man into bed: "Honey, do you want to tonight? I have rechargeable batteries and a new Phillips head screwdriver. It'll be sexy and powerful. You can screw me after you screw me (insert feminine giggle here)".

Brilliant, just brilliant. You know what they say, "Can't top the copper top!" They also say, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" But that has nothing to do with this, I just think the question is funny. This product is a gold mine--women will be trading their DD's for AA's. I'll finally feel normal for being a AAA. That's like flat, but more concave than convex, or in simple terms, flat and flatter, since one is always bigger than the other. Even if it's by 3mm. Maybe the implants should be in breasts, and we could use watch batteries in nipples. That would be hilarious to see in an MRI machine--a woman laying there with both breasts pointing straight up being pulled to the top. I think some women would pay for a necklace of magnets, to keep their nipples at full mast instead of a bellybutton warmer. It'd be easy to jump-start if the batteries were in the nipples--none of that trying to figure out what to clamp confusion. The bigger one is the positive and the smaller one is the negative. I'll make sure to carry my metric ruler with me in case even I can't see the difference between inverted and just shy.