Peejforprez.com apologizes for the way the new Internet Explorer Version 8008135 makes it look like you ingested large amounts of acid and snorted white stuff off the washing machine (Note to self: never tell the kids that snorting salt makes your nose bleed to get out of class). It doesn't sit well on the page and looks as if there is some error on our part. By our, I mean myself, Active Media Designs, and the blue Smurfs that sit on my desk and give me helpful hints about how to snort white stuff off the washing machine. My apologies for IE's failure to consult us when changing the 50 toolbars that cannot go back to the original settings no matter how many attempts you have made to change it, including bribing it with Barbies with batteries in the thighs. You'd think the computer would find that alluring, but alas, sticking Barbie into the CD Rom in an effort to mate them just gets Barbie all hot and bothered and raiding my closet for "a fucker that's not a floppy." Her words, not mine.

My apologies also for not making it clear that I am like a 7-11. I am open 24-7, baby. Pass this blog to your friends. I am the bong of the internet. I'm like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn. I'm like a peanut butter sandwich--I spread for bread. The more hits to this blog, the more advertising I can do. The more advertising I can do, the more things I can snort off washing machines. The more things I can snort off washing machines, the more I can blog. It's a beautiful cycle of yin and yang, peace and harmony, Laverne and Shirley. Please won't you share me with your friends? Okay, fine then--share me with your enemies that are easily distracted at work so they will get caught reading about vibrators and picking noses and get fired so you can take their job. Or just get rid of the person at work who never uses the paper toilet seat cover and always leaves a spray on the employee restroom throne, along with a smell that could melt wax, a few pubes that get stuck to your white shoes, and that incessant need to tell you how long their last bowel movement was and how they had to pinch it off several times to avoid clogging the commode with a stink snake.

Thanks for flying peejforprez.com. Please return your tray tables to their upright and locked position and have a wonderful day.