In this corner, the Dyson Animal 2006 model, complete with instruction manual and four, count 'em! four attachments in various sizes and shapes:

In the other corner, Peej for Prez, the 1976 model, complete with freckles, pale skin, and flaming red hair:

The challenge: Figure out how to get the stairs clean using the stair attachment and the provided hose and instruction manual. The contestants enter the ring, and Peej for Prez wipes the floor with the Dyson! She's got it going up, down, right, left, putting its nose to the carpet! The judges are impressed! It's almost a done deal, Peej for Prez just has to detach the attachment and she's won the battle!

Wait a moment--there's a new development. It appears as if Peej for Prez is unsure if there was a better way to do the job. She's forcing the attachment onto a pole-like device. It doesn't look as though the Dyson thinks much of that--it's struggling to stay off, not giving in and snapping in place for her. Peej for Prez twists and turns, displaying amazing agility as she uses her weight to shove the attachment onto the handle. It still is fighting with her, refusing to submit.

Peej for Prez reverses, yes, reverses her maneuver....Oh wait! No, the Dyson has one more trick up it's sleeve. It's hanging on, forcing Peej for Prez to pull hard and try to break it away. It all comes down to this! Can she do it? Oh, no, that's not in the rule book, that's not pretty! The Dyson used an illegal move to show Peej for Prez who's boss! She's down, she's holding her face, oh, look, the Dyson left her with a reminder not to fuck with it!

Backstage, hours after the drama dies down, we're here talking to Peej for Prez. What went wrong out there, Peej?

"I gave it my best shot, but the technology, the suction, the power of the Dyson was just too much. In the Bissell class, I held my own, I showed it who's who and who will push whom around. But it was just too much for me, man, and I carry the scars of my battle."

Even eight hours later, the wound is still fresh, and not just on Peej for Prez's enormous nose. Her ego bears the burden of letting the Dyson beat her down.