Mower came home after spending an hour with my dad, and told me that our friend Hot Stuff, a super-hot 60-yr-old with the total package of looks, personality, and GMILF sex appeal, used the adult gifts I got her, fell out of bed and now needs a new hip. He insisted that I needed to call my dad and find out more. Mower was very upset with me, and I felt bad but also wondered what in the hell she did with them that made her fall out of bed. They are an extraordinary tool, but to fall out of bed? Maybe she was more spry (and kinky) than I gave her credit for.

I called my dad, who lives about four inches from me--literally, we share a wall in townhomes--and he immediately cracked up. I felt relief that:

One, he was pulling a prank about it;

Two, that I could erase the image from my mind of Hot Stuff swinging from the rafters by her knee highs in a sexual acrobatic act not usually seen from a grandma;

Three, I could make fun of Mower for falling for it.

Hot Stuff really does need a hip replacement, but adult toys had very little to do with it. I don't know what to get her for a recovery gift. A blow up doll slash hip cozy? Fishnet stockings slash catheter bag holder? A vibrating walker? I just don't know.