Handsome calls the dogs the same name, Chuzzy. China and Fuzzy don't mind---they both come running to see him because he usually tastes like pizza sauce and has a wonderfully feces-filled diaper to sniff.

They were introduced to our new yard several weeks after we bought it. We knew they would drive us insane with their barking while there were workers in the house, and for a couple weeks before the floors went in, they could not have been loose in the house anyway. So we brought them over in one crate, which was typical of them--they cannot be apart for more than one minute or they start to get more intelligent.

They must stay within five feet of each other or their brains start to actually work. We prefer them to be together--dumb dogs are cuter.

"Oh, boy, oh, boy! Lots of grass! Oh, boy, oh, boy! So many places to poop! But, hey, where's the rocks for me to eat?"

They were hilarious running around joined at the stupid bone, like they had an invisible leash between them. They ran around for the better part of an hour constantly knocking into one another in their quest to share the same molecular structure in finite space.

"Kiss my ass, Mom, kiss my ass!"

After an hour, they seemed to both crave using their grey matter, and China annoyed Handsome:

while Fuzzy searched for a way to get "the long-haired one who sneaks me treats":

Since moving in, they have escaped five times. We're considering a dog run, but our luck would be to come outside and they capture us in it and then go dig under the fence for the Shih Tzu and Lab next door so they can take over the world. The only other solution: doggie boarding school. China's already fantasizing about other girl Shih-Tzu's in the shower and Fuzzy wants to join a frat: Gamma Kappa Tzu. We're working with him on his keg stands already. Gotta get back to work--those beer bongs aren't going to drink themselves!