Bubba just stood in front of me, in her new High School Musical pajamas (thanks, Lips and Sweetie Kris and KK for introducing her to the Disney Channel shows---the war is on now. You thought we were only competing at every birthday and holiday for the most annoyingly loud and/or Pepto Bismal pink gifts, but now it's on for everyday annoyances. I have several equally horrific tricks up my sleeve to make up for the loss of favorite cartoons with the subsequent replacement with future crack addicts and porn stars....just wait) and farted.

"That was a trumpet," she announced.

Before I could open my mouth to ask how she blew the trumpet, she then said,

"Just kidding! It was a saxophone!"

I'd hate to hear or smell what the tuba produces from her butt. It'd probably be just like the sulphur factory her father produces nightly.