Bubba lost several teeth in a very short period of time--3 in 10 days. We did the normal Tooth Fairy dust on her sheets, which didn't fly for the second tooth. It was so close to losing the first tooth she didn't see a remarkable difference in the amount of sparkles on her bed, so she assumed the Tooth Fairy forgot. No, the Tooth Fairy was just very freaking tired and can't find the blue sparkles to mix with the silver ones I was able to find, so give the Tooth Fairy a freaking break, kid!

Being the completely unbright mother I am, I put her teeth into a cup on the dresser, which is tall and the cup hasn't been touched in several months. The glitter container went behind it. I was waiting to remove everything until after a fourth tooth fell out, but it hung on and I forgot she is taller than she used to be. She exclaimed very loudly that the Tooth Fairy left her teeth in the cup, Mommy! one evening. And she left her sparkles, which was just blatantly irresponsible of her, duh.

Mower and I raced our pathetic minds around, trying to determine how much further we could take the whole thing. We came up with a desperate plan with just our eyes--lie our fat asses off until we can no longer do so. So Mower suggested he collected the sparkles and put them in the container for her so she would always have them. After Bubba reminded us that this was not the first time she found her tooth (we had kept her second one and pretended it was her first one, which she swallowed, and said we found it on the floor where the Tooth Fairy must have dropped it since it was so tiny), I came up with the brilliant and highly unplausible theory that the Tooth Fairy must leave everyone's teeth in the house, waiting for the person to find them. Why, there must be tons of teeth hiding in our new house since it's over 25 years old. I told her she was a very special girl to find hers--I never got to find mine when I was little. I found my dad's stack of Playboys in the closet and my brother and I would look at them when they went out, but no teeth.

This has prolonged the inevitable--that she will one day see that Mommy and Daddy like to wear fairy wings and prance around on tiptoes in the middle of the night with a flouncy wand and glittery sparkles illuminating our path. And she'll learn we lied about the Tooth Fairy also.