Dear Person Who Has No Bedside Manner,

I would think that somewhere in your extensive schooling, they'd teach you not to act like a douche to the people who help pay your paycheck. I understand that you are trained to follow the procedures and regulations of the associations and laws concerning your area of expertise, but just because someone else has a differing opinion of the validity of things you hold dear, does not mean I am threatening your way of life or your ego. You may feel free to be a control freak with the thought that you are the smartest person in the room, but please keep it in check--you were so busy being full of yourself that you spooged on my shoes.

I don't disagree that you know some great things about kids, how they work, what treatments or education generally work. But when you assume that there is only one way to keep kids alive via sticking them with tons of needles filled with vaccinations that can overwhelm my infant's body when you do several at once, you limit my patience with you. Yes, most medicines have their time and place, and most kids do fine being stuck--I am not saying only prayer and the occassional bath are what heals any and every thing. But from what I understand about the Constitution, this country is still a free country and I am allowed to choose a slightly different path from what anyone else chooses. Me not giving my child the vaccinations on the recommended schedule is not the same as me letting her sit on the dashboard as I run from the cops on the highway, so please remove the look of horror and disgust from your face when you inform me that you feel it's risky behavior.

Just because we have had our child in a private daycare/school does not mean our child is an elitist or being deprived of a "real" education such as provided by local school systems. I get it--you have been employed by the state for many years. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, especially when good work has been done. But to piss all over another form of education or insinuate that any level of daycare would be better than him being at home with us right now while he isn't fully potty-trained, that is a little bit too much for me. We will not be sending our child to Trailer Trash Daycare and Used Tires, nor will we be denying him a perfectly wonderful Montessori school education when he is potty-trained, just because he eventually will be going into the public school system. I am not sure why private is "bad" while anything else would be preferrable to being at home, but suffice to say that because we didn't quite understand what in the hell you were trying to say and he threw a fit being there anyway, we'll go the way of a private tutor for his particular issues to catch him up to speed. We'll use some of his college fund if we need to, since he can't go to college if he still calls an elephant "ma-ma" and a dinosaur "tiger".

Maybe we have completely misunderstood you. Perhaps your passion for what you teach and how you work overwhelmed you so much that there was no connection with us. It's not hard to connect with us though--Mower and I are not the country bumpkins we appear to be. I might have manure on my shoes, but that's by choice--it keeps the flies away from my beer while I'm breastfeeding.