Pros and cons of life with a baby:

Con: She drools spiderwebs--they are long and stringy and hang from her mouth to whatever surface she can air-bomb--her hands, my shoulder, the entire foyer.

Pro: They twinkle in the recessed lighting--so pretty. Now I don't need to decorate for parties.

Con: She has stinky farts and wickedly bad timing for filling her diaper.

Pro: When we fart in the aisle at the store after she does, ours are like an odor-eater and they cancel each other out. Or so we tell ourselves as we race away from the scene of the crime.

Con: We go through about three oufits a day each, since she spits up egg-white consistency liquids on us and herself. She can't stand to be in a wet shirt.

Pro: When we run out of eggs, we just wring out the baby spit-up into the recipe. No one knows the difference. Boobie juice regurgitated is protein, right?

Con: Mower hates snapping her into her carseat and I hate taking her out.

Pro: We just put her in a laundry basket for short car rides--saves up the hassle. Don't worry--she and the laundry basket stay at home while we're out--I wouldn't take her in the car in it.

Con: She cries when she's gassy.

Pro: We devised a hose and container contraption to capture her gas and turn it into gas for the minivan. We have a stinky ride but save half a penny on gas prices.

Con: She's the sweetest little baby since Handsome and Bubba were babies, and I just want to kiss on her all day.

Pro: She's the sweetest little baby since Handsome and Bubba were babies, and I just want to kiss on her all day.