I am trying to think of what I want this blog to be. A mommy blog? I have endless material, but a toddler who wants to stick her fingers into the USB port while I attempt to write things while they are fresh in my head. After Handsome stole the shift key off my other laptop, I am wary of writing while the kids are awake and can reach the Holy Land of a laptop keyboard.

A short story or article blog? I don't mind doing those occasionally, as I think when I get on a good topic I can really get going. I have a hard time right now balancing my completely snarky, bitchy self that can write and say funny things at someone else's expense and the person I want to be around my kids--someone who is tolerant, lets things roll off her back, someone who says nice things about people to try to show my kids that compliments win people over more than being a jerk. More often than not, I am snarky. But then I spend the remaining time worrying about how snarky I am and is it really making me happy to be like that, or am I unhappy and just spreading that around for a chuckle?

A blog about working out, cleaning, or having my shit together? Um, yeah, right. There'd be even fewer posts than I have done in the past two years.

A blog where I am just myself? That's what I am trying to figure out. Who in the heck am I? What's holding me back from being the person I want to be and know I can be? Why am I so afraid of just going for it and learning a ton in the process? Is it the painful process it can be? Doing nothing is painful too.....

I have some searching to do. I love writing, but it takes a certain part of my heart and brain that seem to be occupied by other things lately, and have been for a while. Is it worth the $120 annually of hosting charges? I don't know.